Why The Church Loses People
Drew Chapados

(Editor’s note: Drew did a series in the West Side Windsor, ON, bulletin on the theme of why the Church loses members. His thoughts on this subject are worthy of thoughtful consideration.)

     ‘Drew, I felt I owed it to call you to let you know that I will no longer be attending the church—I just can’t do it anymore, I have been struggling with this for awhile and I would really appreciate it if this were the last contact you tried to make with me.’
     That was a phone call I received from the second person I had ever studied the Bible with (who was not of Church of Christ background) who accepted the gospel and was baptized into Jesus Christ. He had a real heart to study as much as he could.  That phone call was probably the hardest one I had ever received as a minister up to that point.
     What had caused him to decide he ‘couldn’t’ attend anymore?  What had he been struggling with for quite some time?
     He had come to the point that since his parents were not going to accept the gospel message the way he had accepted it—he could no longer struggle with the idea that his parents were not going to be among the saved.  His solution was that if that were the case, it would be better to simply give up everything.
     Sometimes the conversion to Christianity means that people who once were close to us will treat us horribly.  That is a pain that is very difficult for people to cope with and the hope is that the church, the new family of God’s people that they are now a part of, can help and offer support.  Other times it is the reverse—it isn’t that they mistreat us but somehow we now find a tension that didn’t exist before.  (See Matthew 10:34-39)
     Our logical minds begin to work overtime—if the gospel of Jesus is needed for salvation and I have accepted that—then what was true and good for me is true and can be good for them.  Why won’t they accept it?  What does it mean if they don’t?
     The struggle of our caring for loved ones who are lost can be a real powerful deterrent to church membership.  How do we respond to those of our number who are feeling such difficulty?  How do we continue strong in Jesus despite the growing tension?
1)     A lot of reminding that Jesus is good news!  Jesus often interacted with people who were mistreated or rejected for associating with him (See John 9:35)
2)     Prayer is a needed practice!  We need to be encouraged to never lose the feeling of praying for our loved ones and also praying for the needed encouragement to keep going.  I remember one woman who never stopped praying for her husband and after 50 years of marriage he was baptized into Jesus just 3 years before he died.
3)     Compassion for those in such a state!  We may never identify with the struggle and we may not personally know their trial—but having compassion goes a long way.  To be cold about those who may be lost will not be a feeling they will want to share in or be around.
     The sad thing is that, at times, people leave the Church—one reason is the struggle they feel over the ‘lostness’ of loved ones. Let us all pray for God’s guidance to be able to assist all those who face such difficulties.
          (btw—the end of the above story: 3 years later I was speaking out of town and the same guy heard I was going to be there and decided to show up to tell me the worst decision he ever made was leaving the church and he was now back and had come to better terms with his family’s choices and his decision to follow Jesus).
     Some have a major problem dealing with horrible past sins, the first big sin after baptism, or the inability to feel as morally good as other people seem to be. Perhaps you have experienced those concerns.
     Truth be told, only the most arrogant would not have experience with the difficulty that come from all three of those and the real problem is that whenever we are going through the shame or self-loathing from any of them we can feel like we are unique in it.  Let me get one thing straight—not everyone leaves the Church because they are rebellious, willingly sinful or uninterested in Jesus.  Now, do they do the right thing by leaving the Church?  Not at all, but there are so many choices people make that aren’t healthy or good for them because the reasons for doing so are from a misguided viewpoint and not just an evil viewpoint!
     Here is the problem with what we’re talking about today: the Love of God is seen as a wonderful thing to have. To just be loved by the Creator of the world and Father of Jesus Christ is a dream for so many.  The Love of God, however, can become something that is seen as a wage to be earned rather then a gift to be received. We want to be loved by God but feel we must somehow measure up to a standard to be worthy to receive it.  The reasons for such views can be many, but one of the main reasons would be this: the person has come to realize that every other relationship they have had has been a conditional love and never an unconditional love.  So, because the sweet love of God is something to be earned and not freely received, the person begins to believe the lie that because of sin they really are worth nothing and so the temptation comes on stronger and stronger making one believe the worst about themselves, so they withdraw from church.
What can the church do?
1) There will be some, no matter how hard we try, who will not be convinced that they are the object of God’s love.  They will simply go on believing they could never be.
2) We must, however, never give the impression that someone is, in fact, less ‘deserving’ than the rest of us are.  The simple fact of the matter is that all have sinned and fall short (Romans 3:23) so none have any reason to feel superior to others, not needing God’s grace.
3) We must continue to preach a message of solid grace!  Sin is wrong—the church cannot pretend that it isn’t.  But where sin is, forgiveness is available!  God’s forgiveness will cover our sins because Jesus’ blood has cleansing power for all who obey. We need to do our best to preach to people a message of righteousness, mercy, compassion and healing!