Either…Or
Wayne Turner

Many decisions in our lives are presented to us as “either…or” choices.  Do you want coffee or tea?  Cake or pie?  Commercials argue whether a procuct should be eaten with a fork or a spoon.  The basic framework of such a choice is the implication that the two choices are mutually exclusive – a person must choose one or the other, not both. 

Sometimes, a decision must be made between two logical opposites.  For example, we cannot choose to go both North and South at the same time.  Yet there are times when a choice may be presented as “either…or” when both might be possible at the same time.  (How many times have you heard someone answer whether they would like cake or pie say, “Yes, please” indicating they would like both.)

Churches sometimes make “either…or” decisions.  For example, in more recent times, some, responding to the reports about generational differences between boomers, busters, gen-xers, millenials, etc. have chosen to totally reshape the church to target one specific age-group, typically young people.  By creating an atmosphere that attracts a younger generation, they have tended to exclude people of other age groups, including older people who may have previously been long-term members of that church.  More typically, over the past fifty or so years, churches have established youth ministries with personnel, resources, programs and activities which are focused on young people.  Youth programs have proved invaluable for providing age and need specific teaching as well as building strong peer-group relationships.  However, these groups have sometimes functioned so independently from the rest of the congregation; there may be little contact between them.  Young people may feel little or no connection or loyalty to anything other than their youth group.

The extent to which this may be true is suggested by some startling statistics, released in 2009 and reported in Leadership, about what happens in the religious community at large as teenagers move into their 20’s and 30’s.  Rainer Research suggested that, in the U.S., by the time young people reach the age of 22, about 70 percent have left the church.  Barna added that by age 30, 80% were gone.  Southern Baptists, long one of the fastest growing religious bodies, have found themselves unable to keep up with the birth rate.  These figures suggest a need for a careful re-evaluation of “age-segmented” youth ministry.  Among other possibilities, it appears that the fun and excitement of ministry tailored to the young does little to prepare and connect them for living, working and worshipping in the greater community of the church.  What will?

There are too many positives to totally abandon age-specific ministries completely.  There  is a need for young people to have positive peer-group relationships.  They need to be able to share and discuss their experiences and problems with other young people.  We need not see youth ministry as an “either…or” – have it or not. But, there needs to be something more.

Kara Powell, executive director of Fuller Youth Institute at Fuller Theological Seminary believes “the future of youth ministry is intergenerational youth ministry.”  Powell suggests that 40 to 50% of teens struggle spiritually right after graduation because they have not connected with the rest of the church.  Youth programs need to make teens active parts of the ministry of the congregation not just the targets of it.  Involvement in practical activity with others in the congregation can make a major difference for teens in their later lives.  This might include participating in service projects, teaching younger children, leading in worship, etc.  Powell observes, “a church needs to be committed to being a hub where 16 year olds can have real relationships not just with peers but with 35 year olds and 66 year olds.”  Through intergenerational activities, young and old can get to know each other and begin to develop mutual respect and love.  They can engage in conversations and build relationships. Young people feel welcomed and accepted, as older people no longer fear them, and older people feel more appreciated. 

Building intergenerational relationships takes conscious effort.  Many are afraid of rejection.  Powell observes that people need to start small – a basic work project, even just a donut and a simple conversation. 

Ministering to the various generations of our day need not be based on an “either…or’ decision.  Rather, it should be seen as “both…and” – including rather than segregating.  A congregation should not have to choose between old or young.  In God’s design, the church is intergenerational, old and young working and worshipping  together.  Both old and young are to be examples to one another.  They are to love and respect each other as fellow members of the body, for this is how the world will identify Christ’s disciples. 

For older Christians, Powell reminds us of the large family gatherings where the adults sat at one table and the kids at the other.  More than anything else, those at the children’s table looked forward to the day when they would be able to sit at the adult table.  “I remember what a privilege it was to be invited to the adult table.  Adults underestimate how much kids want to be with us.  Kids are for more interested in talking to caring, trustworthy adults than we think they are.”

Perhaps the starting point is that we no longer call our teens the church of tomorrow and welcome them to the adult table as part of the church today.